I Wanna Text You Up – Teagan Hunter

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Author: Teagan Hunter
Series: Text #2

Pages: 300

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ROOMMATE WANTED
Chicks or dudes welcome!

Looking for a new roomie? I have a place for you! Like your music loud? I own headphones. Enjoy having late-night guests over? Again, headphones. Want someone to help pay the bills? Do the dishes? Take out the trash? You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours (metaphorically, of course).

Check us out, getting along already.

Must be able to pay first and last month’s rent up front.
Must be okay with Breakfast & Beats.
No dogs.
No trying to sleep with me.
Two bedrooms. One bathroom.
$350/month plus electricity.

If interested, email ineedarobin@gmail.com.
P.S. Wiener pics sent directly to my grandmother. Don’t do that crap to her.

First book of the year!! Actually, my intention was for this one to be last of the past year, but life sometimes doesn’t want to follow my plans. I’m not going to lie. This is an awesome book to start a new year. Teagan Hunter doesn’t disappoint, even though I haven’t loved it as much as the first book of this saga.

This time the story focuses on Delia’s roomante, Zoe. Due to the fact that her best friend is moving out to live with Zach (who wouldn’t!!!), she is in need of a new roommate. So she has the happy idea to create a notice to pin it in a common board. You know, the one that you can touch… not the virtual copy that is used nowadays. And who is behind the perfect answer for the notice? No other than Delia’s ex-boyfriend: Caleb. They start flirting right away, but the relationship has two obstacles: Zoe’s fear of angering her best friend and Caleb’s mysterious past.

I have read this whole book with a huge smile from ear to ear. I love the easiness among the characters and all the witty banter. It makes them so much more lovable and approachable. Not to mention all the good laughs I have had following these crazy characters. I guess it lacks more of the surreal sense of humor of Zach and Delia (although there is good dosis of it) and it lays more heavily in the sexual innuendos. Luckily, Teagan is master at those and that kind of exchanges doesn’t make me cringe.

The author’s style makes me so comfortable reading the book. I find myself feeling extra-good and happy when I enter in the Text universe. That atmosphere helps a lot to fell in love with the characters. Especially Caleb. He is so dreamy. Aside from the obvious (Zoe killed me everytime she commented on the abdominal muscles… cruel woman!!), the guy can cook. And I mean really cook. He is also very attentive most of the time, responsible, a good listener and SO charming. I was on my toes dreading the other shoe dropping. That moment where the author would reveal some dark secret about the perfect guy that would break Zoe’s heart (I was more concerned about mine, though)… But in the end, his secret wasn’t that bad.

And maybe it’s in that part were the book feels a bit short. I missed more drama or a better developed one. Part of the issue is trying to make us believe that Delia would be pissed if Zoe dates Caleb. I mean, we have already met that girl. Zoe could have an orgy with all her best friend’s former lovers and Delia wouldn’t bat an eye. In my opinion, those doubts of Zoe should have been resolved sooner. The mysterious past of Caleb is also not such a big deal. I was expecting something that would put the relationship in danger and that would blemish Caleb’s perfect record (and give my heart a rest!!), but in the end his past is not really the issue.

There are still two more books on the Text saga. Two more books to enjoy these crazy and fun characters. I’m going to miss them once it is over. I will have to try other books by Teagan Hunter to see if I will find the same magic. By the way, I’m glad that these books have finally been grouped in a saga of stand-alone books. It helps a lot to read them in order.

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2019 – Book Gallery

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Let’s Get Textual – Teagan Hunter

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Author: Teagan Hunter
Series: Text #1

Pages: 272

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A wrong number is supposed to be just that–a wrong number.

Delete. Done.

Do not continue to text. Do not flirt.

A wrong number shouldn’t be the first person on your mind in the morning, or the last at night…and you’re definitely not supposed to talk them into buying a baby goat.

Because that would be weird.

When Zach Hastings and I get into a wrong-number mix-up, we don’t follow the rules. We keep texting and flirting, because he’s wicked funny and perfectly nerdy and a wonderful distraction.

I’m not looking for love, and Zach definitely had the wrong number.

But maybe…

Maybe he’s the right guy.

Have you ever finished a book and wished there were some kind of big brother reality show about its characters just because you can have enough of them? In Delia’s words: how much pizza is too much pizza? There is not such thing as too much pizza!! That’s how I feel about this book. If there were an extended version about 200.000 billion pages long I would still crave more. Yes, I have loved every single word of this book.

The story of this book is told from the point of view of Delia, a college student that one day receives a call from un unknown number. The person calling was Zach, an app developer who wanted to contact a client but has a wrong number. After the first weird conversation, they start texting each other. Little by little (or not so slow) their friendship turns into a romance.

The blurb itself is nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that caught my attetion there (except the goat!!). Besides, according to Goodreads (and I will trust them) this is a New Adult book… genre that doesn’t make me very happy if I’m being honest. But the reviews about how funny it is convinced me to give it a chance. My initial scepticism became absolute love in a matter of pages. Is it weird if I say that more than a book I consider it a friend? Too creepy? Honestly, I have no word to express how happy this book has made me feel!!

Out of the question, the sense of humour is one of the best I have read in my life. The nerd jokes, the never ending banter, the witty retorts, the adorable cockiness of Zach… Everything put a smile on my face and, very often, made me laugh hard. It felt SOOOOOOOOO good. All the good guys characters (which are all except one) have earned a special place in my memories as a reader. They are a bunch that I would love to consider friends… even though they follow a really crappy diet. Someone must explain me how Zach keeps in shape eating SO bad!!

The story is sweet and the author takes her time with the best part of the Romance genre: the couple getting to know each other. It’s usually the funniest part of those books and most writers tend to rush through it. But not in this one. Small steps but sure ones. The relationship that is built between Delia and Zach is lovely and really well written. An absolute pleasure to follow them in their best and worst moments. I’m going to miss them so much!!

The book is perfect, but it would have been heavenly if some of the chapters were told from the point of view of Zach. Don’t get me wrong, Delia is awesome, but sometimes I was dying to know what was going on in Zach’s head. I would have loved some chapters from his point of view after the goatnap to really enjoy his reaction, but I guess I will have to use my own imagination :).

As I said before, the worst part of this book is that is finite. Even though this is a standalone, there is a similar book by Teagan Hunter to tell the story of Delia’s best friend, Zoe. A third one will be published later this year, but I still don’t know the main characters for that one. I guess Delia and Zach will make a cameo or two in those books, so it’s not the end. I wonder why the author doesn’t group those books in a saga. It would help many readers to read them in order.

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2018 – Book Gallery

One Man’s Trash – Marie Sexton

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Author: Marie Sexton
Series: The Heretic Doms Club #1

Pages: 343

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After four tours in Afghanistan, Warren Groves couldn’t settle into civilian life. For the last twelve years, he’s survived by working odd and often illegal jobs for some of Denver’s less fortunate. His personal life is equally unsatisfactory. He can barely remember the last time he had sex, let alone the last time he got to use somebody hard and rough, the way he likes. Fate intervenes when a favor for a friend leads him to a pretty young rentboy named Taylor Reynolds.

Taylor’s spent the last few years on his own, working as a hustler, going home with anybody who’ll give him a warm meal and a place to sleep. He enjoys having a bit of force used against him, and he makes Warren an offer he can’t refuse — all the sex he wants, as rough and dirty as he likes, in exchange for room and board.

At first, Warren thinks he’s struck gold. Taylor’s the perfect roommate — he cooks, he cleans, and he’s dynamite in the sack. But Taylor has some dark demons in his head and some even darker cravings. Falling for somebody as volatile as Taylor is dangerous enough, but when Taylor’s urges turn truly self-destructive, it’ll be up to Warren to decide just how far to let things go.

The book is eveything the blurb promises: rough sex, secrets and dark cravings… I thought I could handle it, but it seems I can’t. I’m not a prude (if I were I wouldn’t touch Romance books), but there are several situations in this book thas have rubbed me the wrong way.

But let’s start from the beginning. We meet Warren, a former soldier that spends his days helping other people in barely legal jobs: bodyguard of escorts (a.k.a. prostitutes), muscle for desperate people and many other things. He is lonely and, if you ask me, a bit tired of his life. Then we meet Taylor (or TJ or BJ…), a much younger guy that ran away from his home and became a rentboy. It’s a sex addict that that never says no… Their fates collided and Taylor ended up living with Warren. Free roof and food in exchange of sex.

At least that is how it started. We barely knew them when they were already tearing up each other clothes. The first encounter was pretty impersonal and I was scared that the whole book would be like that. The author spices it up a little bit adding a BDSM element: soft bondage. Warren likes to tie people up to his bed and Taylor doesn’t mind. As a reader, I don’t mind either. The author doesn’t use this to humillate Taylor. It makes the trust between each other grow considerably.

Eveything was starting to look peachy: Warren has a lot of different layers that make him very interesting, the sex is fun, the side stories are enjoyable, Warren’s friends are a pleasure to read… And then it happens: Taylor’s breakdown. I wasn’t epecting it. I’m a guy that enjoys a good shock when reading, but this one left me with a very sour aftertaste. I felt that his cravings were more of a childish behaviour than something dark and serious. Even worse than that: the author has to twist Warren’s behaviour to counteract the crazy tantrum of his roommate… I have to be honest: that made me dislike Taylor.

But the worst was yet to come… The explanation of Taylor’s “bad days” made me sick. It’s not only the incest with his brother when he was still a minor. If that wasn’t enough, the brother was abusive. I guess I should have been able to feel some kind of pity towards Taylor, but his way of dealing with it destroyed any chance of that. He claims he loves him. That no one understands him. He talks as if nothing was wrong. And Warren is nice enough to accept the explanation… I just wanted to scream: “Take him to an expert!! The guy need helps, not a slap on the back!!”. But Taylor’s quest of making me puke wasn’t finish… Do you know what this messed-up guy takes for love? Being urinated by someone who is still inside him during sex… That’s plain gross. And the author talks about it several times… I couldn’t handle it. I was losing my mind yelling at Taylor. My dislike became hatred.

I think I could have ignored Taylor if the side stories were better. I mean, they are good, but so depressing. Were are the happy endings? Susan, Riley… The book feels pessimistic and so unfair that the only one with the happy ending is Taylor… Writing this review I have realized I’m angry at him. He has ruined a nice book about Warren. I actually feel weird after reading the book. Why an emotional story has such a disgusting residue in my memory?

I’m not sure if I will read the second book. The main characters will be different, so I guess it’s safe to assume that I won’t find another Taylor. But I’m honestly scared of picking it up…

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2018 – Book Gallery

Spider – Ilsa Madden-Mills

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Author: Ilsa Madden-Mills
Pages: 264

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He called himself Spider. I just knew him as the sinfully gorgeous guy with eyes of fire that fate sat next to me on the airplane. I didn’t know who he really was…rock star…my stepbrother.

He kissed me because he thought we’d never see each other again. We would.

Everyone warned me about him.
They said he was ruthless and cold and screwed up.
They said he’d leave me with a hole in my heart.

Maybe I should have listened.
Maybe I should have built up a fortress to keep him out.
But I crumbled instead.

Some have said there’s an unbreakable thread that connects those who are destined to meet. If that’s true, then the moment he sat next to me, we were bound together forever.

He just had to figure it out before it’s too late…

I think I have already said over here that I’m not a fan of the New Adult genre. But I keep trying over and over again. Should I take the hint already that this genre is not for me? Naaaaaaaah… I know that sooner or later I will read a New Adult book that I will really enjoy. Spider is not that one. Quite the opposite, actually.

This book is about Rose, a 16 yeras old girl who has had a very difficult childhood; but has been adopted into a rich family. On the other hand, we have Spider; a rebel rock star. His presence means trouble. He doesn’t have the best relationship with his father, but he is forced to meet his father’s new wife and stepsister. Yes, Rose is his stepsister (as every avid Romance reader should have guessed by now). The attraction between those two comes fast and with a fury. Rose is easily awed, but Spider has a huge commitment issue. Due to Spider’s problem with drugs and alcohol, the parents are not very fond about those two becoming something and try to break them.

I must admit that I don’t like either of the main characters. Rose is obsessed with the idea she has of Spider and Spider… He is a drug and alcohol abuser. That should be a big warning sign for very decent person to stay away. And it should be even a bigger sign for Rose. Her mother was killed by an alcoholic boyfriend who one day took too much… How can Rose tell his foster family that she doesn’t care about Spider’s problem? It doesn’t make any sense. In that moment I realize that Rose was incapable of judging with a clear mind what she wanted when Spider was around. Scary. Am I suppose to support the main character of the book? Because I’m not going to. I’m with Rose mother all the way in that matter.

And Spider… The guy that loves Rose SO much that he accepted 500.000$ to ignore her… An act of love according to him. And it seems that Rose bought his explaining, because they end together several years later. I must aslo admit that I have a huge problem with smokers… Those characters always need to work extra hard to get my respect. I’m not too annoyed about Spider being one, except when he states that he is a long distance runner… As if his damaged lungs could endure that… Luckily, the author doesn’t write him smoking very often, so I can give Spider a pass. What I can’t understand is Rose saying that she likes his smell… smoke and all. It’s gross and it makes me angry that that smell is considered sexy in the book.

What about the love story? you may ask. I would answer: What love story? That is not love… is obssesion and infatuation. I don’t feel they are a real couple… just a bunch of crazy hormones unleashed. I even like way more Trenton than Spider as the love interest. The author tries to make him a villain by the end of the book, but I’m not buying it. I feel he has cared much more about Rose than Spider has… and he deserves a happy ending, too.

There is nohing worse in Romance that not liking the main characters of the book. That is the case with this book penned by Ilsa Madden-Mills. That issue is something common with New Adult novels… at least the ones I have read. I haven’t enjoyed this book. At least it’s a short one.

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2018 – Book Gallery

C*cky Neighbor – Fettucine Holliday

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Author: Fettucine Holliday
Pages: 16

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This super fun book is about a conveniently close male heterosexual and the lady who parts her drapes for him. He shows her what a real man is, and satisfies(MT) her completely.

This is a totally great comedy erotica story that in no way infringes on a certain word, no sirree, not at all.

This is the other book by Fettucine Holliday to support the actions taken to nullify Faleena’s legal claim over the word cocky. If you want to read a recap of that, read my previous review. Could you imagine if all Romance writers did the same? I mean, most of them have series whose titles follow some kind of template. If all those templates became trademarks, no one else would be able to write Romance books!!

Even though I’m totally against Faleena’s actions, I can’t swallow the books that Fettucine has written. If C*cky Author was bad, this one is just pure crap. Once again, this book is unable to deliver any single laugh. But this time, it goes even further. It didn’t make me laugh, but it was VERY close to make me puke!!

Why is Jettt like that? He doesn’t shower, he doesn’t clean, he is gross everywhere… When they have sex and the author describes his dirty penis… I wanted to die. It’s not just gross. I felt insulted as a man.

I know this was some kind of parody, but Fettucine takes it too far. TOO FAR!! Besides, the book was supposed to make fun of the “cocky” issue, but it feels that this time the author makes fun of Faleena’s books. Which I can’t approve, because it would be an infantile attack. This book pissed me off so much, that now I want to read some of Faleena’s books to get to know her style.

You can’t ask almost 4$ for this book. Not even if it is for a good cause. It’s just insulting, sorry.

 

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2018 – Book Gallery

C*cky Author – Fettucine Holliday

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Author: Fettucine Holliday
Pages: 13

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This totally original book is about a cock…sure man who is caulky, cocked up, and above all else, confident. He lays it into a lady real good, and leaves her satisfied(c).

This is a totally great comedy erotica story that in no way infringes on a certain word, no sirree, not at all.

I guess this short story needs a little bit of explaining. Why someone with a totally fake name has written this? Let me tell you the story of the writer Faleena Hopkins. That writer pens the romance series called Cocker Brothers of Atlanta, whose titles all contain the word “cocky”. That author, wrongly worried about the lack of intelligence of her readers, thought that those poor souls were confusing other “cocky” books with her own. So, how could she avoid that? Put a trademark in the “cocky” word, so nobody can use it without paying Faleena first. I would need thousands of hands to count all the times the word “cocky” is used in Romance, so you can imagine that legal barrier wasn’t feeling any good among the romance writers. An indie author that is also a lawyer paid quite a lot of money to nullify Faleena’s actions and liberate the “cocky” word. The hashtag #cockygate will give you all the juicy details.

So, Fettucine has writen a couple of short stories to rise money for the cause. I know these stories are meant to be jokes, but the price for such a short book is no joke at all, so I will give it an honest review.

Everyone is saying this book is like the funniest thing ever… Well, it is not. I didn’t laugh at all. I was promised some good laughs, but not even a smirk was drawn in my face. There are several good winks to the “cocky” debacle, but that’s it. The rest of this short story is just a guy having sex with a lady. And there is nothing remarkable about that scene, either.

Besides, I know this was written in a hurry to ride the peak of the wave; but some revision shoud have been made to avoid some errors that are quite painful even for a guy who doesn’t speak English as his first language. Seriously, I have to point out again the price of the book (almost 4$). Yeah, it’s a clever joke about a serious matter, but the buyers need some respect…

 

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2018 – Book Gallery